"crazedclay: SBC murderer" (crazedclay)
09/13/2014 at 01:10 • Filed to: None
4
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"crazedclay: SBC murderer" (crazedclay)
09/13/2014 at 01:10 • Filed to: None | 4
| 25 |
I am going on a date tomorrow. The first in... *maths intensify* at least a couple years I reckon.
As is customary, take the offering of most of my potato shots (and a couple internet finds) in exchange for advice or well wishes.
As a person who is totally not comfy with intimacy or physical stuff (thanks aspie traits and commitment issues!) the better it gets the more freaked out I tend to be and I end up looking for the exit before I'm even in the door. Irrational fear coupled with forever alone XD.
How does Oppo manage to mate?
Logansteno: Bought a VW?
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:14 |
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OooooOOooooOohhh.
I total forgot what I did to keep my girlfriend around after the first date. I mean that was almost three years ago.
What do you plan on doing with the lucky lady/sir/however you swing?
Denver Is Stuck In The 90s
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:15 |
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What a fine selection of tubers. I started dating my current girlfriend in may and she is my first girlfriend. How did I last till age 20 to start dating, I have no Idea. And I'm still a virgin, so there's that. I'm perfectly Okay with being a virgin, Everything in life will happen when I'm ready
Vince-The Roadside Mechanic
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:18 |
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I honestly don't know how we mate considering that I told myself that if I talked to the girl I liked today I would ask her out...... I purposefully avoided her out of fear.
But I wish you the best of luck and remember think "what would vince do?" Then do the opposite.
Leadbull
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:18 |
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It's customary for the male to wash the female's feet with his beard.
And that's how babies are made.
treesmakewater
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:18 |
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good luck! I'm not sure how oppo mates, I'm no good at conversations outside of a group, I also haven't been on a "date" (unless you count just chilling in a spare room of a party). Just relax, I'm sure you will be fine (after all, my word is on the line now)
Conan
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:21 |
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It all started with a Risk game. It helps we're both nerds of extraordinarily different varieties so we don't ever compete (she loves math, I love history) but we enjoy many of the same things, so we have a lot in common (travel, cars, gaming, alcohol selling related stuff, concerts, so on).
I don't fall into the Aspergers category but some of my best students have. All of y'all have your differences (and some of you are crazy intolerant of others of you) but I've noticed the ones that seem to find some sort of successful relationship find people who can give them enough comfort so that they can work out the "I'm putting myself at risk by being open but maybe I get things in return for that risk" equation. To locate those people you have to take some risks in turn, and you should be secure in the knowledge that you're probably better able to cope with the process than some of us who aren't like you, even if it's really tough to convince yourself of that.
Good luck. Do your best to make sure you and they talk a lot and try to have fun no matter what. It's all sort of a science experiment and you need data.
YSI-what can brown do for you
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:21 |
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Good luck! Remember, the best way to get a second date is to talk about yourself, and try and show off how knowledgeable you are at everything.
/sarcasm
AMGtech - now with more recalls!
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:22 |
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Good luck! I will start off with a bit of a cliche. Sorry for that. But BE YOURSELF! If she (or he? I don't judge) doesn't like that, then whatever. Try to stick it through to the end, even if it is awkward as hell at first. The worst that can happen is you go your separate ways and you continue your life and find another to date instead.
Before I was married I had my fair share of terrible dates, but they make for funny stories later. I used to trick myself into thinking I was more confident than I actually was then just suck it up and have a go at the whole embarrassing process. You either click or you don't, if you don't it isn't anyone's fault, that's just how it goes. In that case, just try to have a good time anyways, it could still be fun.
V8 Rustler
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:24 |
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So limited. WOW
mcseanerson
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:26 |
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Mmmmmmmmm
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treesmakewater
> Vince-The Roadside Mechanic
09/13/2014 at 01:27 |
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been there a few more than one too many times
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mcseanerson
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:27 |
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Find one as crazy as you to put up with the craziness. Been working for me for 10+ years. I don't think anyone else would have me and if they would I wouldn't trust them.
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mcseanerson
> Denver Is Stuck In The 90s
09/13/2014 at 01:29 |
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That is a great attitude to take. People wonder how they end up in bad relationships and then rush into the next bad one. Take your time and let the good things happen.
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AMGtech - now with more recalls!
> Conan
09/13/2014 at 01:34 |
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I have a suspicion that my wife and I both fall into the asperger's spectrum even if just only slightly, though we've never actually been diagnosed. Even if we're not, I know what you mean. Well said.
JGrabowMSt
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:37 |
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An email woke me up, so I came here afterwards.
My relationship is a constant struggle, but most importantly, it still feels right. While the fear is understandable, you just need to be honest with each other about it. My girlfriend has tossed around the idea of getting married, and for a few reasons, that scares me. Mainly because Im younger, but partly because my life isnt where I want it to be right now. That doesnt mean the answer is no, it means Im not there yet. After talking to her about it, she is more understandinng of my feelings about it, but it took time to really understand what I was saying, and that I didnt mean no, i really meant i'm not there yet.
For you, its no different. You need to be honest about your feelings and be clear about whats going on for you. Will she understand? Probably not, but dont let that stop you. When youre with the right person, you can say anything and they will take it in the way you mean it. The biggest step is telling them. Theres no shame in being afraid, make sure you dont hide it from the person that needs to know.
Go have fun, find out if you can be best friends. Thats what I believe the key is. When you can be best friends and open and honest about everything, youre with the right person. They can, and will often be able to tell your thoughts without you saying much as well.
Good luck!
EL_ULY
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:39 |
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Beeeeee yourself
I am not only the worst at every sport ever, even fake sports like video games, pool, and poker, but when it comes to the womenz, I am the worst!
What worked? Just being my dork self. I feel I know you a bit dude. You got a good head on your shoulders. Some well timed jokes are always cool but more than anything, just be you man.
AddictedToM3s - Drives a GC
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:45 |
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Good luck on your date! I'd probably say to just take it as it comes and to focus on the first date itself and then if you want to go for a second date then continue with it. Take every date as its own thing like each date is a first date (without the whole "getting to know the initial details about your date's life" dance.) Also, people like hearing and knowing another person is passionate about something so maybe talk about your passions if you need a topic to talk about.
K-Roll-PorscheTamer
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 01:56 |
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You know my answer to that question...
I don't, because I haven't yet.
Anyways, good luck to you sir.
Actually just disregard my comment, it's just me bitching to myself and is of no use to you.
Have a car because...
NotUnlessRoundIsFunny
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 02:05 |
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Oh, my. This is a question for the ages, isn't it. Seriously.
There's much I'd like to say, but I'll whittle it down to a few points.
Tactically, I liked to go for the segmented date. That is, first segment is limited in time (but preferably flexible) like going to coffee—there's no set end time, but you can bail if / when appropriate. Coffee's also low stress / low commitment which is good. Then have an idea for a supplemental segment, like a walk around the coffee shop neighborhood, etc. Nice safe way to extend if you want, but gives you an out after the coffee if you're just done, and no hard feelings. Just examples, but hopefully they convey the gist.
Secondly, perhaps another spin on the "need data" idea is, "better to fail quickly if you're going to fail." As in, avoid building this person up in your mind without spending actual time with them. It's too easy to construct an idealized version of them, and then there is more self-imposed hope that they'll be as wonderful as All That, and and and. Better to honestly get to know them with your eyes wide open, so you figure out what's what without early unrealistic expectations.
Lastly, and most importantly, know that you have a lot to offer. You're an extremely appreciated member of Oppo. You are smart as hell, witty, a gifted writer and agile conversationalist. And we've seen you be kind, compassionate, and vulnerable when that's what would help another. For this last above all, I genuinely admire you. And I'm sure not the only one around here.
Peace.
Long Live the Longdoor
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 02:09 |
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I've literally spent all of my adult life in a committed relationship (now married almost 4 years) so my overall knowledge of mate acquisition is limited however I like to think it all started about 10 years ago with me and my wife's similar interest in having ketch with grill cheese sandwiches... The rest is history lol. So, having something obscure in common helps I suppose .
Awesome photodump BTW!
Dsscats
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 02:26 |
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NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
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Dsscats
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 02:26 |
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That's some good eye bleach.
shop-teacher
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 07:15 |
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Wow, I did not see a Chevette picture coming, let alone two!
As to your relationship issues, the ones I dealt with for years were different. I was simply so afraid of rejection, that I'd just reject myself before anything happened at all.
All I can say is, this. You're aware of what your fears are, and you're aware that they're irrational. You can't get "rid" of them, so you more or less have to tell them to STFU and blow through them. Of course, that's easier said than done.
Also, don't be a dick :)
Good luck dude!
jkm7680
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/13/2014 at 17:15 |
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Well, I haven't dated in about 4+ months. I had a nasty breakup with the girl who I thought I'd marry but it just didn't work out like that. To be perfectly honest, I haven't really been looking for anybody. I'm pretty young, have a house, car, motorcycle and some money to spend on another car/motorcycle. And I'm fine with that for now. If I were in a relationship currently, I'd probably have a car and an apartment. Also minus the car/motorcycle fund.
So, unsuccessfully so far. I'm not comfy with the super intimate stuff also up to a certain point in a relationship.
Good luck on that date man! Make sure to make the Dart extra prettty.
Mattbob
> crazedclay: SBC murderer
09/15/2014 at 11:06 |
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Dawwwwwwwww